Only Human
by The Lady Avaritia
Summary: You told me once that you were a sociopath.There were times that I didn't even think you were human.But you were the best man,the most human...human being that I have ever known,and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. JirOro mild squick


**Title: Only Human**

**Rating: T**

**Characters:** Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Naruto

**Summary: **You told me once that you were a sociopath, incapable of feeling emotion. There were times that I didn't even think you were human. But…you were the best man, the most human... human being that I have ever known, and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie.

**Author Note: Angst, angst, angst, I tell you!**

**Author: **_The Lady Avaritia_

Naruto stands behind, keeping his respectful distance, and looks solemnly at Jiraiya. There is no teasing today, no loud boisterous laughter, as his sensei stands, somewhat hunched, somewhat wounded and stares at the tombstone.

The blow of his death had made Jiraiya duller, his skin more ashen, his bones-more aching. If those, who dream of immortality, die so soon, what is left of those who never even hoped of living past thirty?

He stares blindly at the white marble of a tombstone of an empty grave. It's the thought that counts, the thought whomever put into the engraved orobouros, and the curved letters of a name that had meant so much to him once.

The epitaph is short and to the point "It is humane to fall."

A blunt and brutal reminder of Orochimaru's greatest failure, the one weakness he never overcame.

~x~

'Get your heads in the game, Jiraiya, Tsunade, because somebody's humanity always gets in the way and I'm tired of losing battles in this stupid war! When I say, charge!'

~x~

And Jiraiya doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do because he is alone, now, all alone without the comfort of the knowledge that somewhere there is Orochimaru doing bad things to good people. And it isn't fair, it isn't, because damn it, wasn't that snake bastard supposed to live forever?

He wants to go back in the past, wants to go back to that day in the forest just out of Konoha's gates, and he wants to change everything.

He remembers as clear as if it was yesterday (and to him, it might as well have been) that day, when the sun poured bitter gold over the treetops, and Orochimaru's eyes glowed beautifully, and his lips were twisted in a mockery of a smile.

'Come with me. Join me… we will live together… forever. We will never grow old… the world will be ours, everything for us to take, to get drunk on our success, to bask in darkness. Join me.'

And only Jiraiya could see underneath the underneath and he could read the true meaning of those words, a plea of:

Don't leave me alone, don't leave me, please, I am afraid of myself, and I don't want to be alone, I don't want to fall without anyone to hold me back, I need you, I need you, just save me from me, just drag me back, and just stop me, stop me now, save my life, I need you, I love you, save me, stop me, don't let me be a monster, I am so alone, just save me, teammate, friend, brother, lover, save me, be with me, love me, don't let me sink…

But Jiraiya had failed him, Jiraiya had been to weak to save him, hadn't been strong enough, brave enough to follow his teammate into the pit of moral degradation and pull him back.

And now he stood in front of the polished white marble of a smooth gravestone of a man who should have never died in the first place. And how had he died? Had he, in his last moments, thought of them, his teammates who had abandoned him, who had been to moral and humane and good to follow his dream with him, or even share it. Or had he, in his lonely bitterness, simply raged, blindly furiously, just trying to live for the sake of life, just to spite the world?

Had he grappled on, desperate to live, for the sake of life, because life meant victory?

Jiraiya wouldn't know. All he knew was that Orochimaru had died, alone, weakened, ill, and incurably human, whatever others might say.

Jiraiya looked at the grave for a long time, as if waiting, as if hoping, almost hoping, that a skeletal white hand would shoot out of the dirt and Orochimaru would somehow crawl out, alive and sarcastic, shooting caustic remarks, and ready to march on and skin Sasuke Uchiha alive, and this time Jiraiya would support him.

But it wouldn't happen. Orochimaru wouldn't come back. Would never come back. And he wasn't even in this grave, which was just an empty memorial made by some devout Sound-nin. Kami knows what happened to his actual body.

Finally, Jiraiya spoke. He spoke tiredly, breathlessly, barely able to contain tears.

'You... you told me once that you were a high-functioning sociopath, incapable of feeling emotion.' He paused painfully. 'There were times that I didn't even think you were human. But let me tell you this…' he took a deep breath that hitched in his throat and the next words came out as a strangled sob. 'you were the best man, the most human... human being that I have ever known, and no one… will ever convince me… that you told me a lie. I owe you so much, but Please, there's just one more thing. One more thing. One more little miracle, and I believe you can make it, 'Maru, for me. Don't be... dead. Would you do that, just for me? Just stop, just stop this... and… Don't. Be. Dead. Come back, like you always used to. come back. I'd do anything, if only… just come back,' he ended whispering the last part, his voice betraying him, his strength giving way to tears as his shoulders hunched even more and he shook with a silent sob.

Orochimaru was gone, and he was so alone once more… so, so alone in a world full of people who claimed to be his friend.

And he wished he could turn back time, turn back time to the good years, when the two of them ended up in sickeningly hot cities in smoky rooms, waking in each other's arms, casual words of affection thrown carelessly… if he could, he'd go back, and he'd say "I love you" a thousand times, enough to make him stay, and he'd go with him wherever, and he'd do anything, just anything for his best friend, his only real friend who had grown into so much more…

If only he could.

Jiraiya sighed and turned around. Naruto stood there, still and silent like a golden statue. He nodded stiffly, indicating that he was ready to go. Naruto understood. Naruto knew.

'Just… say it out loud, ero-sennin. It will help.'

Jiraiya opened his mouth, but his throat was too dry and too tight. He tried again.

'My,' he choked, 'my best friend… Orochimaru… is dead.' he stated the last word in a hushed whisper, almost afraid that saying it would destroy the last vestiges of hope that his friend might be alive somewhere plotting Konoha's demise.

Jiraiya didn't cry. But Naruto knew. He knew, just as he knew that one day it would be him and Sasuke filling the old men's parts, and he almost felt sorry for Orochimaru.

'I'm sure…' he paused, not sure what to say. 'I'm sure he was a very good friend.'

Jiraiya nodded.

**I just needed to get my OroJir fix and I haven't written quality angst in so long!**


End file.
